The 44th Ward mistakenly approved a block party permit directly on the 2026 Chicago Marathon route. As 55,000 runners trampled bouncy castles, overturned grills and crushed coolers, children in attendance described the party as “sssiiiiccckkkk.”
The Nettelhorst School has filled the long-vacant crossing guard position at Broadway and Aldine with a fully remote hire. The telecommuting guard, who lives three blocks away, has only been knocked over by cars three times in his first week on the job.
This past Saturday, Swedish death metal band Dumt Skämt played a three-hour set at the French Market at the Nettelhorst School. Shoppers enjoyed a more upbeat, eardrum-shattering atmosphere.
“It was a nice distraction from how much I was spending on cheese,” said one shopper.
Unlike West Lakeview, which closes Southport Avenue for its annual event, Lakeview East's Little Monsters Crawl will once again pack families onto Broadway's sidewalks so drivers can enjoy a detour-free Halloween.
“Three hours of joy and safety for our local kids should never come at the expense of our convenience,” said a spokesperson for Chicago’s impatient drivers.
Drawn by more than 200 stumps still waiting for new trees, nature lovers have returned to East Lakeview to take in the neighborhood’s unusually large collection.
“My annual trip to see the new and old ones has become an important tradition for my family,” said one enthusiast, pausing beside a freshly cut specimen. “This neighborhood’s commitment to urban deforestation is a gift to those of us who love a good stump.”
Jim Spang is transported to Indiana on Tuesday morning. His dog, Cooper, was left on the sidewalk unharmed.
The 44th Ward has begun flying surveillance drones this fall to identify dog owners who fail to clean up after their pets and airlift them out of the city, ward officials confirmed last week.
The program, called Pooch Poop Patrol, uses computer vision to flag violations on sidewalks and parkways. Offenders are released in Indiana.
“The amount of feces left behind on our streets is an embarrassment to the ward and disrespectful to the community,” a ward spokesperson said. “These neighbors deserve what they get.”
Samantha Voss, a Barry Avenue resident and goldendoodle owner, said she welcomes it. “I bend over and pick up Walter's business every freakin' day. I spend, like, $300 a year on bags,” Voss said. “They can too.”
A cinnamon roll the size of a tow truck burst from the kitchen of Ann Sather's Broadway location Saturday morning, following what one brunch-goer described as a “big ass explosion.”
Investigators determined the 81-year-old Lakeview institution had been using CRISPR gene-editing technology in an attempt to make its cinnamon rolls larger. The roll was last seen moving north on Broadway.
After months of speculation, the Keith Haring statue confirmed Monday that it will run for 44th Ward alderperson.
“For too long, the inanimate have had no voice in city politics,” the 30-foot statue said in its booming, metallic voice at its first press conference.
East Lakeview's sidewalks are what drew me to expand my business here. After nearly a year, I have to report a problem: there are too many meat bags getting in my way. I am calling on the city to rezone the sidewalks for delivery bots only.
The owners of the vacant building at Belmont and Broadway threw a party Saturday to mark the better half of a decade without a tenant or buyer. “We couldn't be prouder of the blight we've brought to the neighborhood,” one owner said.